MARRIAGE:
“A good wife, who so finds, far above rubies is her
worth; the heart of her husband trusts in her. Her children rise up and call
her blessed. (Proverbs 31:10)
Each mans wife is a
good wife to him chosen specifically for him from Hashem. He must seek to find
this good, drawing it out but most importantly he must recognize the goodness
in her she already possesses. When he sees this good, he will trust her and
realize her worth is invaluable to him.
“He, who finds a wife, finds good”. (Proverbs 18:22)
A single person can
have a very good life but you truly can’t taste goodness unless you share it
with someone you love more then yourself.
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain; but a woman who
fears Hashem, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
When a person fears
Hashem, the Shechinah rests on that person. Being attached to the Shechinah is
very holy and brings a person grace. This grace isn’t just a physical one, it
is a spiritual smoothness and gracefulness that can’t be described in physical words.
“A good wife is a crown to her husband; but one who acts
shamefully is like rot in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)
A women is a crown
to her husband when he elevates her with the proper kavod, respect she
deservers. When he treats her as his servant, she acts shamefully bring him
disrespect. She will bring him more misery and unhappiness then anything else
in the world could.
“It is better to live in the corner of the roof, than
share a large house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9)
The home is the
woman’s. A small little corner belongs to the husband. Instead of making a
quarrel, always return to your corner and make peace.
”A quarrelsome wife is like a constant drip”. (Proverbs
27:15)
It’s very difficult
for a person who is used to quarreling to stop themselves. Even if they would
like to change this midah, character trait, it can take a lifetime. If you want
to seal a leak, you have to fill it with something. To your spouse, you must
fill that leak with unconditional love. Eventually, it will no longer drip.
“I gave my daughter to this man”. (Deuteronomy 22:16)
One of the most
difficult things for a parent to do is to let go of their protective shell and
entrust another with this great responsibility. Worry never leaves the heart of
a parent. They have to keep on reminding themselves to let go.
“He kissed Rochel and wept aloud.” Genesis 29:11
How many times do we
embrace our spouse’s halfhazardly? Physically
we are touching them but spiritually, our embracement is defective. We must
work on being truthful physically.
“I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me” Song of
Songs 6:3
Only when a person
nullifies their own ego, in order to give to another, does the person turn
around and do the same. You can’t expect a devoted spouse when you, yourself
are failing to devote yourself to them to begin with.
“Enjoy life with the wife whom thou lovest all the day of
the life of thy vanity...” (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
It is important for
a couple to do joyous things together. It’s unfortunately that many marriages
fail simply from a lack of effort on the couple in planning out extra curricular
activities. Couples must have to want to enjoy life with one another and make a
conscious effort in bringing happiness into the home.
“Many waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods
drown it.” (Song of Songs 8:7)
Love should be
something unbreakable. An argument should just be that, an argument. It should
not affect ones love and affection for the other. If it does, then one has to
work on being more loving.
“And I (Hashem) will betroth you (
We can learn from
Hashem how to love our spouse. Hashem’s love for us is unconditional and never ceases
even momentarily.
“Jacob loved Rochel” (Genesis 29:18)
The truest love is
one that grows on a person, not one that is spontaneous.
“A helpmate opposite (Genesis
When something is
opposite something else, then that something is directly across from the other.
The greatest thing is when two opposite things are coordinating with one
another having the same objective. They are able to cover twice the amount of
ground then that which would be directly next to them.
“When a man acquires a wife...” (Deuteronomy 24:1)
In a marriage, a man
needs to feel like his wife is completely devoted to him. Without him feeling
this, he feels alone. Not that she should belittle herself for him but to the
best of her ability, she should help him feel content with her.
“And he shall cleave unto his wife.” (Genesis 2:24)
In order for him to
cleave to her, she must have a surface in which he can grab hold of. Many women
who feel incomplete as a self, having feelings of insecurity, their husband has
nothing in which to hold onto. Therefore, they both push one another away like
two magnets pulling. If only you just turned the around, they would cleave
strongly but they are turned so that they push and push another away each time
they get close.
“Love thy neighbor as thyself”. (Leviticus 19:18)
Every person must
work on nullifying their own ego for another. If you are not kind to your
neighbor then you wouldn’t know how to be kind to your wife.
“And she took her
veil and covered herself.” (Genesis 24:64)
A woman has to cover
herself, meaning she should be content in her life as a wife and mother. When
she starts complaining, there will be no end to it so she should carry about
her life happily. When she is modest and accepting of her lot, then her
greatness will be revealed to her husband.
“When a man takes a new wife, he shall be deferred from
military duty, he shall not be charged with any business, he shall be free for
his house one year, and shall cheer his wife whom he has taken” (Deuteronomy
24:5)
When a woman needs
to be cheered up, one should stop all business and activities which take place
outside their home. Once she is content, he can return to his affairs. If not,
his insecure home will build up to such a point that he will have to abandon
all affairs permanently.
“Two are better than one.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
“My beloved is like a gazelle”. (Song of Songs 2:9)
”Adam knew his wife Eve”. (Genesis 4:1)
“He loved Rochel more then Leah”. (Genesis 29:30)
But onto Chana, he gave a double portion, Ki et
Channah ahev, for he loved Chana. (I Samuel 2:5)
“And she became his wife
and he loved her. (Genesis 24:67)
“He will send His angel before you, and you shall take a
wife for my son from there.” (Genesis 24:7)