“A good wife, who so finds, far above rubies is her worth; the heart of her husband trusts in her. Her children rise up and call her blessed. (Proverbs 31:10)
Each mans wife is a good wife to him chosen specifically for him from Hashem. He must seek to find this good, drawing it out but most importantly he must recognize the goodness in her she already possesses. When he sees this good, he will trust her and realize her worth is invaluable to him.
“He, who finds a wife, finds good”. (Proverbs 18:22)
A single person can have a very good life but you truly can’t taste goodness unless you share it with someone you love more then yourself.
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Hashem, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
When a person fears Hashem, the Shechinah rests on that person. Being attached to the Shechinah is very holy and brings a person grace. This grace isn’t just a physical one, it is a spiritual smoothness and gracefulness that can’t be described in physical words.
“A good wife is a crown to her husband; but one who acts shamefully is like rot in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)
A women is a crown to her husband when he elevates her with the proper kavod, respect she deservers. When he treats her as his servant, she acts shamefully bring him disrespect. She will bring him more misery and unhappiness then anything else in the world could.
“It is better to live in the corner of the roof, than share a large house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9)
The home is the woman’s. A small little corner belongs to the husband. Instead of making a quarrel, always return to your corner and make peace.
”A quarrelsome wife is like a constant drip”. (Proverbs 27:15)
It’s very difficult for a person who is used to quarreling to stop themselves. Even if they would like to change this midah, character trait, it can take a lifetime. If you want to seal a leak, you have to fill it with something. To your spouse, you must fill that leak with unconditional love. Eventually, it will no longer drip.
“I gave my daughter to this man”. (Deuteronomy 22:16)
One of the most difficult things for a parent to do is to let go of their protective shell and entrust another with this great responsibility. Worry never leaves the heart of a parent. They have to keep on reminding themselves to let go.
“He kissed Rochel and wept aloud.” Genesis 29:11
How many times do we embrace our spouse’s halfhazardly? Physically we are touching them but spiritually, our embracement is defective. We must work on being truthful physically.
“I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me” Song of Songs 6:3
Only when a person nullifies their own ego, in order to give to another, does the person turn around and do the same. You can’t expect a devoted spouse when you, yourself are failing to devote yourself to them to begin with.
“Enjoy life with the wife whom thou lovest all the day of the life of thy vanity...” (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
It is important for a couple to do joyous things together. It’s unfortunately that many marriages fail simply from a lack of effort on the couple in planning out extra curricular activities. Couples must have to want to enjoy life with one another and make a conscious effort in bringing happiness into the home.
“Many waters cannot quench love; neither can the floods drown it.” (Song of Songs 8:7)
Love should be something unbreakable. An argument should just be that, an argument. It should not affect ones love and affection for the other. If it does, then one has to work on being more loving.
“And I (Hashem) will betroth you (
We can learn from Hashem how to love our spouse. Hashem’s love for us is unconditional and never ceases even momentarily.
“Jacob loved Rochel” (Genesis 29:18)
The truest love is one that grows on a person, not one that is spontaneous.
“A helpmate opposite (Genesis )
When something is opposite something else, then that something is directly across from the other. The greatest thing is when two opposite things are coordinating with one another having the same objective. They are able to cover twice the amount of ground then that which would be directly next to them.
“When a man acquires a wife...” (Deuteronomy 24:1)
In a marriage, a man needs to feel like his wife is completely devoted to him. Without him feeling this, he feels alone. Not that she should belittle herself for him but to the best of her ability, she should help him feel content with her.
“And he shall cleave unto his wife.” (Genesis 2:24)
In order for him to cleave to her, she must have a surface in which he can grab hold of. Many women who feel incomplete as a self, having feelings of insecurity, their husband has nothing in which to hold onto. Therefore, they both push one another away like two magnets pulling. If only you just turned the around, they would cleave strongly but they are turned so that they push and push another away each time they get close.
“Love thy neighbor as thyself”. (Leviticus 19:18)
Every person must work on nullifying their own ego for another. If you are not kind to your neighbor then you wouldn’t know how to be kind to your wife.
“And she took her veil and covered herself.” (Genesis 24:64)
A woman has to cover herself, meaning she should be content in her life as a wife and mother. When she starts complaining, there will be no end to it so she should carry about her life happily. When she is modest and accepting of her lot, then her greatness will be revealed to her husband.
“When a man takes a new wife, he shall be deferred from military duty, he shall not be charged with any business, he shall be free for his house one year, and shall cheer his wife whom he has taken” (Deuteronomy 24:5)
When a woman needs to be cheered up, one should stop all business and activities which take place outside their home. Once she is content, he can return to his affairs. If not, his insecure home will build up to such a point that he will have to abandon all affairs permanently.
“Two are better than one.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
“My beloved is like a gazelle”. (Song of Songs 2:9)
”Adam knew his wife Eve”. (Genesis 4:1)
“He loved Rochel more then Leah”. (Genesis 29:30)
But onto Chana, he gave a double portion, Ki et Channah ahev, for he loved Chana. (I Samuel 2:5)
“And she became his wife and he loved her. (Genesis 24:67)
“He will send His angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there.” (Genesis 24:7)